


The Kit Kat Incident

by Finerafin



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Gen, snacks, teaching Locus the Red way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-28
Updated: 2018-02-28
Packaged: 2019-03-25 06:58:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13828920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Finerafin/pseuds/Finerafin
Summary: Simmons discovers that Locus' favourite snacks are Kit Kats. There is, however, a problem with it (and it's surprisingly not Grif).





	The Kit Kat Incident

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sxpaiscia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sxpaiscia/gifts).



> [Pai](https://sxpaiscia.tumblr.com) and me had this great idea, I just had to write it  
> Takes place somewhere after the what if verse  
> Thanks to Franzi who beta'd this <3  
> As always English is not my first language, so if you find any mistakes feel free to tell me

A new supply drop had arrived yesterday and Simmons was stacking it away, sorting through all the stuff they had gotten. He piled the snacks for Grif on the table and then began to put everything else in place when he heard someone enter the kitchen, stopping and then quietly going "Ooooooh." Simmons turned around, just to see Locus standing in the doorway and staring at the snacks on the table. The sight was so strange that Simmons didn't know what to say until Locus looked at him and excitedly asked: "Are those _Kit Kats?"_

"Are you okay?" Simmons asked in return because that was not how Locus behaved normally. Maybe he, too, had an evil doppelganger and now they had to go through this whole shit again and -

"I just _really_ like Kit Kats," Locus interrupted Simmons' train of thought.

"Well then ... take one" Simmons offered and was about to turn around when he saw Locus grabbing a handful of the snacks and leaving, nearly bouncing. "Or take all," Simmons sighed. Grif wouldn't notice; he didn't know if they had ordered any this time and Simmons could just lie and say they got lost on the way or something. Or he could tell him that Chorus ran out of Kit Kats and they wouldn't be able to order them anymore ... then this would never happen again and he could just forget about how weird Locus had behaved. Yes. That was definitely the better option.

 

"No Kit Kats this time?" Grif asked disappointed when he sorted through his snacks.

"Nope, they don't deliver those to Chorus anymore." Simmons didn't even look up from the book he was reading

"What, that's bullshit!" Grif said and looked at the remaining Kit Kat. "Now I have to keep the rest for a special occasion ..."

Simmons nodded absentminded but secretly was relieved that Grif had believed him without further questions.

 

"Someone raided my snack stash and now all the Kit Kats are gone!" Grif barged in the kitchen. Donut gasped in fake shock. "No!"

"Yes!"

"Someone found it? Holy fucking shit, not even _I_ knew where you hid them!" Simmons said and Sarge barked at the same time: "Those damn dirty Blues!"

"What's wrong?" Locus asked and followed Grif in the kitchen.

Grif opened his mouth to say something but then he looked at Locus and his eyes went wide.

"You!" Grif almost screamed, pointing at the Kit Kat in Locus' hand making him flinch slightly. "Not only did you steal my Kit Kats, you're eating them all wrong!"

"There's a wrong way to eat them?" Locus asked confused - and just took another bite of his snack, leaving a nice hole in the four bars of chocolate, but got slightly nervous when all of Red Team just stared at him in shock.

Sarge banged his fist on the table. "This is unacceptable! There is only one way to eat a Kit Kat: the Red way! And apparently we need to teach you!"

 

"I don't understand why there is a wrong way to eat", Locus said, his voice sounding slightly frantic.

"There is only one way and we're not discussing this again", Grif shot back sternly and pointed at a chair. "Now sit and listen!"

Red Team had spontaneously decided that it would be appropriate to organize this like a school lesson and now, half an hour later, they had dragged Locus into the kitchen. _They even had a bell_. Sometimes he really asked himself what he had gotten into.

Tucker suddenly appeared in their kitchen interrupting the preparations and giving Locus a tiny shimmer of hope that he could get out of this somehow. "Do you guys by any chance have ... What are you doing?"

"Teaching Locus how to eat Kit Kats in the right way!" Sarge said far too enthusiastically.

"Uuuh, okay ...There is a wrong way?"

"Get out you damn dirty Blue!" Sarge shouted and pointed his shotgun at him. Nobody knew where it came from because he hadn't had it only moments before but it did its job.

"Alright, I'm already gone," Tucker complained and hurried to get out, leaving Red Team to their weird ideas.

When Donut brought in a blackboard where he had carefully listed _34 steps of how to eat a Kit Kat_ , Locus wished he could just disappear as easy as Tucker. But he had no such luck when Sarge cleared his throat and started speaking.

 

Two hours later, Locus groaned when Sarge wanted to start over again. "Are we _finally_ done? You don't have to show me again. I don't even think we have any Kit Kats left!"

"Oh, we have enough left," Donut chirped happily. "We can continue until you understand how-"

"I think I already have!" Locus hurriedly interrupted him. "No need to do that again."

"Well, if you think you are ready for the exam, then-"

"There is an exam?!"

"Of course there is!" Sarge laughed. "You have to prove that you know how to do it the right way! The-"

"The Red way, I get it. Can we just get it over with?"

Not even ten minutes later, Locus was sitting at the table, a single Kit Kat in front of him. Sarge, Donut, Grif and Simmons stood to his left and everyone had a clipboard with a scale Simmons had carefully worked on.

Simmons was about to ring the bell, when Lopez walked in. He took a look around, said: "Dios mío" and walked out again.

"Now, show us what you've learned!" Grif said and Simmons finally rang the bell. Locus had to resist banging his head against the table and gave in, sighed, and took the Kit Kat.

 

It was over. It was finally over. Locus had never been that relieved in his life as he was when Sarge shook his hand and handed him a certificat he had drawn with crayons.

"Congratulations, you passed the test!"

"They grow up so fast!" Dount sniffed and wiped his eyes. Was he really crying? Grif and Simmons  just looked pleased with themselves.

"Great. Can I go now?" Locus asked and dashed out of the kitchen when Sarge nodded.

Finally out of sight, he pulled a Kit Kat out of his pocket, took a look around to be sure nobody was there and took a bite. Fuck this, he would eat his snacks how he wanted ...

"Te meterás en problemas si te atrapan haciendo esto." _You'll get in trouble if they catch you doing this._ Locus choked and started coughing. He had neither  heard nor seen the robot coming and had been startled by him. However, before Locus could say anything, Lopez was already gone again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank god for Google translate  
> Come talk to me on tumblr, I'm [finerafin](https://finerafin.tumblr.com/)  
> 


End file.
